Given
by Shadow Masen
Summary: A hunting trip gone awry has serious consequences for Edward. A companion to "Another Chance", written from Bella's perspective.
1. Chapter 1

It was a warm spring day and we were flying—hurtling through the forest at unbelievable speed, and I was like a dog with his head out the car window, the wind whipping in my face and hair.

Charlie had finally decided to un-ground me, so we were on our way over to the Cullen's, after I dropped my school things off at home. It was my first real day of freedom since our return from Italy, and my first visit back to the Cullen's after the vote that decided the fate of my mortality.

Edward burst through the last trees and emerged on to the front lawn of the big white house, and lowered me down from his back with a curious expression on his angelic face. As I stood watching him, he leaned over and put his hands on his knees, looking very much as a human would if they were winded from exertion. His eyebrows were knit in confusion, which suddenly morphed into shock as his eyes widened. He glanced up to find me watching him intently, and he immediately straightened up.

"What's the matter?" I asked, not really concerned with the bending over, only with the look on his face. Vampires didn't get winded, so it must be something else.

He looked at me critically, as if he was making his mind up about something, and glanced over my shoulder toward the house. "I…need to speak with Carlisle," he muttered distractedly, which only made me more nervous.

"I'll come with you," I told him, putting my hand in his and leading him toward the house.

We found Carlisle in his study, reading from a very old-looking book that was laid out on the heavy oak desk. He looked up at our approach, and narrowed his eyes just slightly as he looked at Edward.

Edward got right to the point—I assumed that Carlisle had already asked him what was wrong, just not out loud for me to hear.

"I just ran over from Bella's", Edward paused to think over his next words, "and…I think I'm tired,' he finished uncertainly.

I stared at him in disbelief, about to explain to him something he had told me once —that vampires don't get tired, until I saw his eyebrows rise quizzically as he stared at Carlisle.

"What did you hunt this weekend?" Carlisle asked, and I could see that his demeanor had changed from Carlisle the vampire to Carlisle the doctor.

"Deer, and then mountain lion—a special treat," Edward replied, still gazing intently at Carlisle.

For my benefit, Carlisle asked aloud, "was there anything different about this particular lion?"

"I don't…think so," Edward murmured, "do you really think it's possible?"

"I know it is," Carlisle responded gravely, "because I've seen it before."

I had about had it with the one-sided conversation, because all the interesting bits were apparently going on inside Carlisle's head. Impatiently I asked, "is _what _possible?"

Carlisle acknowledged me with a slight smile, but spoke to Edward instead, "we'll need the animal. Do you think your brothers can find it?"

"_I_ can find it," Edward replied indignantly, but Carlisle shook his head.

"No, I don't want you to go anywhere until we know for sure," he said, his eyes softening as he gazed at his adopted son.

What little patience I had had was now gone. "_Wha_t is going on?" I demanded, shifting my gaze rapidly between the two of them.

Edward turned toward me, his liquid gold eyes holding me as he responded softly, "Carlisle thinks there's a chance that I may have fed on an animal that had rabies this past weekend."

I stared at him in confusion. "What does that mean…for you?" I asked, as my brain rapidly went through everything I knew about vampires and found nothing about sickness ever affecting them.

Carlisle stepped around the desk and stood before us. "I saw this happen once before, during my time with the Volturi." I flinched at the sound of the name—that memory was still too close and vivid.

Carlisle continued, "one of the guard fed on a human with rabies—in the 1720's it was much more common for humans to contract the infection. It's the only case I know of where a vampire became tired, and then weaker, other than from thirst."

"What happened to him?" I breathed, hoping that I wasn't about to learn about the second way that vampires could be killed.

"He experienced episodes of intense pain as the virus attacked his nervous system. Rabies works through the nerves rather than through the blood," he explained, "so we are still susceptible to it."

"And?" I prompted, glancing sidelong at Edward and fervently hoping that there was a happy ending to this story.

"And he grew weaker with each episode, but eventually he was able to fight off the infection, and he recovered," Carlisle finished quietly, but I could tell that he was sparing me a good bit of the details.

Carlisle glanced toward Edward, and smiled warmly as he clasped his hands together. "But first we need to find the animal so I can run some tests, and in the meantime keep Edward close and watch for other symptoms."

Carlisle squeezed Edward's shoulder as he walked past, presumably going to find Emmett and Jasper and send them on the hunt.

Edward gave me a reassuring smile. "I'm sure it's nothing," he said confidently. "Jazz and Emmett will find the lion, and that will be the end of it." He looked a little concerned, but not overly so.

I closed the distance between us and put my arms around him, and he lowered his own around me in a solid embrace, resting his head gently on mine. I raised my eyes to gaze at him, and to distract myself from thinking about the possibility of Edward getting sick, I stood on tip toe and kissed him gently just below his lips. I could feel him smile against my skin, and he leaned down until our lips met. My heart began to race, as usual, but just as I was raising my arms to twine my fingers through his hair, he pulled back gently. Carlisle and Alice had entered the room.

Edward kept his arms firmly around me, but he lifted his head to acknowledge them.

Carlisle looked at us with an unreadable expression, and I thought I felt Edward tense slightly as he returned the gaze. Carlisle shook his head as if to clear it and said, "Jasper and Emmett are on their way to the mountains—hopefully they'll return by tomorrow. In the meantime, Edward, I think you'll be taking a sick day from school."

Edward smiled ruefully. "Well, that will at least help my cover."

I heard Alice snort, a smile spreading across her pixie-like face. "Bella can bring you your homework", she teased, but I could tell that she was concerned about what was going on. I wondered if she'd seen anything.

"Edward," Carlisle said, "I'd like to talk to you a little more about the hunting trip, and anything you might have noticed since then. Would that be alright?"

Edward looked down at me and sighed. "Well, so much for our first evening free of your living room."

"It's okay," I replied casually, "we've got a lot of evenings ahead of us." I couldn't stop myself from imagining that that might not be true, but thankfully I didn't have to share that with _him_.

He measured me for another moment, and seemed to believe me. He released me from his arms, but caught my hand in his.

Alice stepped forward and volunteered, "why don't I drive you home, Bella?"


	2. Chapter 2

On the way home I quizzed Alice about what she'd seen, but she was very tight-lipped, saying that there must be decisions that hadn't been made yet because her vision wasn't very clear. She promised to give me an update at school tomorrow, and so I spent my first Edward-less night in a few weeks. Thankfully, I recalled no dreams.

The next day in school, Alice reported that Edward seemed normal, and that the boys hadn't returned from the mountains yet. I tried hard to pay attention through my classes, but my mind kept drifting back to mountain lions, and vampires in the 1720's.

I had to work at Newton's after school, and I had a good amount of homework that evening, so a trip to the Cullen's was out. Alice promised she'd call me if anything changed, and so I did my best to get through my mundane tasks, all the while trying to imagine how Edward was filling his time.

On Thursday when I saw Alice at lunch, I knew something had changed. She approached me cautiously, her head cocked downward, meeting my gaze through her eyelashes.

"What?" I asked sharply, as my mind immediately started to imagine worst-case scenarios.

"Jazz and Emmett came back this morning—it took them a while to find Edward's kill," she said non‑committally. "Carlisle is testing the blood today, and we should know by tomorrow."

"And?" I pressed, guessing from the tightness around her eyes that there was something more.

"And…we're pretty sure we know what the outcome of the test will be, based on Edward," she finished, bracing for what she knew was coming next.

"What happened?! Alice, tell me _everything_!" I ordered, taking her elbow and steering her to the nearest table.

She met my eyes and said quietly, "he had his first episode of pain last evening. It was a good call on Carlisle's part not to let him go to the mountains, or to school this week."

My mind had gotten stuck on the word "pain", and a vivid picture of Edward sprawled on the floor in the high-ceilinged room, convulsing as Jane looked on, filled my vision. I passed my hand over my eyes to ward the image away, to clear my head.

"Let's go, _now_," I said with determination, but Alice put a restraining hand on my arm.

"There's nothing you can do for him, so we might as well wait until after school," she intoned persuasively. "Ditching won't help you graduate, and both of us disappearing will just draw more attention to Edward's absence."

I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously.

"I promise I'll follow you to your house and drive you home with me," she assured me, and I was pacified, for now.

The afternoon drug on interminably, but finally I met Alice in the parking lot and we headed for home.

When we arrived at the Cullen's, I immediately made for the stairs, but Carlisle appeared in front of me out of nowhere.

"Bella, we need to take some…precautions today when you see Edward," he said, his kind face looking down at me. "To protect Edward, and to protect you."

"What kind of precautions?" I asked warily, having no idea what new and strange turn this whole thing was taking.

"Well," Carlisle said, clasping his hands together in one of his more doctor-like poses, "the infection is sapping Edward's strength at a higher rate than usual, and he could really use to hunt again." Carlisle paused, lost in thought for a moment. "But since he can't," and I raised my eyebrows at this, "we need to make sure that he's not tempted by you, both for your sake and his."

I could see how this was for my sake, but how did this benefit Edward, other than how upset he would be if he killed me?

Carlisle continued, "It takes an enormous amount of strength and willpower for Edward to resist you, and he needs that strength right now for other things. So we need to make this as easy for him as possible, while still allowing him to see you."

My face fell, but I knew he was right. I would do anything to help Edward, even if it fell short of my own need to be close to him right now.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked resignedly.

Carlisle was pleased with how willing I was to cooperate. "Well, we've placed a fan near him, facing the door so that your scent will be blown away from him and not toward him. I would also like to ask that you keep your distance—I think about ten feet away should do it." He smiled kindly as he said this, knowing that it would be hard for both of us to endure these restrictions.

"Sure," I said, "I can do that. Anything I can do to help." I meant it, even though I wasn't happy about it.

Carlisle stepped back to let me pass, and I made my way up the stairs and down the familiar hallway to Edward's room.

He lay on a hospital bed, a very odd thing for a vampire. He was resting his head back against the pillow, but when I walked in he sat up straighter and gave me a dazzling smile.

I walked a few steps into the room and then stopped, noting the inky blackness of his eyes, and the fan blowing in my direction. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a moment, but he reopened them quickly, and the smile returned to his face.

"How are you?" I asked without preamble.

"I'm mostly alright," he replied with a boyish grin. He glanced down at the hospital bed. "Carlisle has…convinced me to conserve my strength, as this is likely going to get worse before it gets better."

"Are you in pain?" I asked, the concern in my voice a little too obvious.

"It comes and it goes," he responded airily, with a dismissive wave of his hand.

I was having none of that. "And when it comes?" I persisted.

"When it comes it's…bad enough, but nothing I can't handle," he said confidently, but I thought he glanced away a little too quickly for that to be entirely true.

"You haven't hunted," I observed, mainly to change the subject, but also curious what _he_ would offer as the explanation.

"I…can't," he answered delicately, and ducked his head before raising his eyes to me again. "I'm not my usual speedy self right now, and Carlisle doesn't want me to be out in the woods when…" he hesitated, then quickly finished, "Carlisle will find an alternative."

"Oh," I said, not really wanting to think about Edward not at the top of his game. He didn't seem to want to think about it either, as he immediately turned the conversation in my direction.

"So how has school been these last few days?"

As I told him about the few goings-on that I'd managed to notice during my Edward-less days, I noticed that his eyebrows were beginning to wrinkle in concentration, and the inquisitive expression ran away from his face. Suddenly, his hands balled tightly into fists, and he pressed them firmly into the mattress. Through clenched teeth, he interrupted me very politely, as calmly as if he were asking me to pass the dinner rolls.

"Bella, could you fetch Carlisle for me, please?"

I nodded mutely, turning to run and call for Carlisle at the same time, and at that moment both Alice and Carlisle hustled into the room. Alice moved in front of me and started edging me backwards, as Carlisle went to Edward's side. He met Edward's eyes, and Edward nodded once, tightly. Carlisle spoke in a low voice, and as Alice and I reached the door Emmett and Jasper appeared.

"What's happening?" I demanded of Alice, my concern turning quickly to panic as Jasper closed the door behind him, so that Alice and I were alone in the hallway.

"It gets a little…intense when the pain comes," she replied simply, leaving me to wonder what was about to happen behind that door that required three of the strongest vampires I knew to contain it.

The thought must have been written on my face, because Alice reached up and touched my cheek gently and murmured, "he's strong, and this will pass. We just have to wait it out."

"Oh Alice," I whispered, and before I could continue her finger was over my lips.

"I promise you, he'll be alright. Carlisle has seen this before. After the pain stops, he'll get stronger and be his old self again."

Her topaz eyes were open and honest, but the telltale set of her lips told me she knew something she wasn't telling me. As much as I wanted to press her, I knew from experience that she wouldn't tell me until whatever it was happened, or she was good and ready.

"Bella, why don't I take you home so you can get your homework done? There's nothing we can do here, and Edward will need to rest…"

"…after he's done writhing in pain?" I finished, raising my eyebrows.

"Something like that," she finished nervously, and glanced over her shoulder. I heard a muffled cry as she hurried me down the stairs.

I called on Friday after school, but Alice said that Edward had had a rough patch, and he wasn't up for visitors. I desperately wanted to go, but she told me there was nothing to do there but wait, and could I come first thing in the morning? Not wanting to be a pest and trusting that she'd let me know if I was needed, I reluctantly agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

Saturday morning dawned pale and misty, and I was up with the meager first light that came through my window. The drive to the Cullen's seemed longer than normal, and as usual I almost missed the overgrown turnoff.

As I turned off the truck I noticed Alice waiting on the porch for me. The look on her face was calm and determined, but it still made the bottom drop out of my stomach. I hastily tore the keys from the ignition and bolted for the porch.

"What's happened?" I demanded, standing on my tip toes to peer over her shoulder, as if that would tell me anything.

"Things have…gotten worse," she said tonelessly, waiting for my reaction.

I moved to step around her, but she captured my arm gently, but firmly.

"We should talk before you see him. Carlisle is waiting."

I let her lead me over the threshold, and into the main living area. Carlisle sat on the longer white couch, elbows on his knees and hands folded under his chin. He looked tired—the circles under his eyes looked an even deeper purple than usual, and his mouth was set in a thin line. He looked up as Alice and I entered, and softened his features into a small smile.

"Carlisle," I choked, and Alice steered me over to sit beside him, and perched herself on the arm of the couch behind me.

"It's alright, Bella," he comforted, taking my warm hands between his chilly ones. "This has just taken more out of Edward than I had hoped it would. The episodes of pain have gone on longer than I would have predicted, and he continues to grow weaker."

"But, it will stop, right?" I met his gaze with pleading eyes. "It will stop and he'll go back to normal…right?"

Carlisle looked down at our joined hands. "I hope so, but only time will tell. We're doing what we can for him…" he glanced fleetingly at Alice, "but if it's not enough eventually he may grow so weak that he'll lose consciousness, and we won't be able to call him back."

His words struck me like a blow, but after losing Edward once I wasn't likely to give in so easily again. "No," I stated flatly, "that can't…won't happen! He's stronger than that, I know he is!" I looked to Alice for affirmation, but she was staring over my head at something only she could see.

"I've done some research," Carlisle continued despite my outburst, "and there should be a turning point soon. I just wish there was something more I could do for him!" His fist pounded the table as he said this, and made a visible dent.

"Can't you give him anything for the pain?" I almost begged, but Carlisle shook his head sadly.

"I would give anything to do that, but it just doesn't work that way. Human medicines work through the blood, so there's no way to distribute it, for our kind. All my medical knowledge, and it's all but useless when it comes to treating my own." I could feel his frustration, but there was nothing I could say to comfort him.

"I want to see him," I said bluntly, and began to rise from the couch.

Carlisle held on to my hands and spoke quietly, "He's grown very weak now—I think you should be able to approach him quite closely without any danger to you. And you shouldn't be as much of a temptation for him, although we'll use the fan just in case."

Again he met Alice's eyes, and something passed between them that I didn't understand. Alice slid gracefully from her perch and led the way up the stairs. Outside of Edward's room, she suddenly turned to me and whispered, "you need to be warned. His eyes will be red when you see them."

My own eyes widened in shock, so she quickly explained, "he couldn't hunt and he needed to feed in order to fight this. Bringing a kill here was too messy, and the blood would congeal too quickly, so Carlisle has been nicking donated blood from the hospital. He says that giving him human blood should also help Edward to fight off the infection, since it's our…" she hesitated, "…more natural food source."

I relaxed significantly when she got to the part about donated blood, but for a moment I wondered why Carlisle hadn't mentioned this… Suddenly the looks that passed between him and Alice in the living room made sense—he would do this to save Edward's life, but it was still against all of his beliefs. He would speak of it as little as possible.

Alice quietly opened the door, and I peered past her to the figure lying propped up on the hospital bed. The difference from just a day and a half ago was astonishing. He lay in the same spot as on Thursday, but rather than appearing separate from the bed, he now somehow seemed part of it—sunken into that spot as if he had been there too long. His eyes were closed, but I could see that the circles underneath them were like inky purple crescent moons, darker and deeper than I had ever seen them. He was still beautiful, but the quality had changed somehow—more noble than youthful.

I tentatively walked a few steps into the room as I whispered, "Edward?" He responded immediately, rolling his head to the side and lifting his chin, his eyelids drifting slowly upward to reveal a striking crimson.

His face lit up when he saw me, but his expression froze as I paused mid-step to stare at him. Even forewarned, I wasn't prepared for the startling change in his eye color. As I quickly recovered and continued across the room, he pursed his lips thoughtfully and lowered his gaze a little.

I stopped about two feet from the bed, and gave him the most winning smile I could muster. He raised his eyes to me once more and smiled my favorite crooked smile. Raising his hand from the bed, he beckoned me closer.

"Are you sure?" I asked, knowing that in his weakened condition the last thing he needed to do was expend his energy resisting the urge to kill me.

"Yes," he replied wearily, with a small twinkle in his eyes, "my recent change in diet has resulted in a well‑fed and satisfied vampire, and besides, at this point I think even _you_ could stop me if I tried to overpower you." He laughed a little as he said these words, but I could feel the pain beneath them.

"How have you been?" I asked timidly as I closed the distance to his bedside. Stupid question, I knew, but what else could I say without blubbering all over him?

I could tell he wanted to joke about it, but it was just too much effort—and it was weighing on his mind too heavily. "Not so great," he answered honestly, and even though I already knew this, I'm sure the fear registered on my face.

Immediately he switched from victim to protector, and I cursed myself for the open book I sometimes was, despite his inability to read my mind.

"I'll be fine, though, you just wait and see," he said with a warm smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He reached out and captured my hand in his, and I noticed immediately that it was warmer than usual. Not fever warm, by any means, but just off—for him. He squeezed my hand gently and looked lovingly into my eyes, and I couldn't help but to return the favor.

He blinked slowly, much slower than I had ever seen him do before, and I could tell that even our conversation was costing him. I felt powerless—what could I do to help him?

I leaned in slowly and kissed his temple, pulling his hand to my chest in the same motion. He closed his eyes in satisfaction, and breathed a small sigh of contentment. With my free hand I traced a line across his eyebrow and down, my fingers lingering on the side of his jaw.

"Are you still having pain?" I asked gently, retracing the line with my fingers while still clutching his hand to me.

He opened his eyes, but he paused thoughtfully for a moment. I hoped that he wasn't trying to come up with a way to protect me from the truth.

"Yes, but it's not nearly so…violent as before. I'm hoping that it's coming to an end." I wondered furtively if the pain just didn't seem so violent to him anymore because his body didn't have the strength to react to it. I also wondered exactly what end he thought was coming, but I didn't dare ask him to explain.

He looked at me warily, "There's only one other way a vampire can die, besides being ripped to pieces and burned…"

"Don't…" I whispered desperately.

"…and I manage to contract it. The odds are still always stacked against us, aren't they?" he said bitterly, an ironic twist curling his lips.

"Of all the stupid, idiotic…ridiculous…frustrating…!" he turned his face away and continued, his jaw set in a hard line. "The worst part is the helplessness—I remember that now from my last days as a human—just lying there, waiting for the illness to take me…"

Not noticing my reaction, he continued, "I just wish I could sleep, like you do. I would love to escape into oblivion…" he said heatedly, but he glanced up and caught sight of the look on my face and immediately fell silent.

"I…didn't mean forever," he said sheepishly, and I forced a weak smile.

But his tone turned serious as he gazed at me. "But…if that were to happen…" I opened my mouth to protest, but he silenced me with his glare. Amazing how despite lying there with barely the strength to move, he was still able to paralyze me.

He began again, "but if that were to happen, I want you to promise me something."

I'd learned my lesson about replying "anything", but it was still hard to resist the urge to give him anything he wanted, promise him anything as his crimson eyes pierced me with their desperation. I waited.

He must have sensed that I wasn't going to answer, so he continued, "promise me you won't do anything to yourself if anything happens to me." He must have seen the rebellion in my eyes, because he quickly explained, "this time it wouldn't be as if I left you by choice, it would be the same as dying if I were human. This happens to humans, and they move on. The very best gift you could give me…the most…piece of mind you could give me as I wait to see how this will turn out, is to promise me that you'll do your best to live a long and happy life no matter what happens to me. Can you do this for me, please?"

The pain in his eyes and in his voice was palpable, and it filled me with pity. How could I possibly say no, with him begging me to ease his mind? I was not willing yet to contemplate the fact that this might end badly-denying the possibility was more like it-but obviously he'd had a lot of time to think about this and had used it to the utmost.

I tried to keep from shaking as I attempted to gather my wits. Now that he had said the words, the hole in my chest that had so recently disappeared threatened to reopen itself with a vengeance…no, I was _not_ going to do this, _not_ in front of him, and _not_ before it was absolutely necessary. I would make him his promise, and figure out how to keep it later, if it came to that.

I looked into the depths of his pleading eyes, and whispered very quietly, "yes, I promise you." Once the words were out of my mouth, it was easier to move past the pain, and the possibility. "Now that I've promised, can we talk about something that's actually _going _to happen?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

Satisfied, he gave me his best attempt at my favorite smile, and asked me about school.

I spent the whole day with him, talking about this and that, or just being together in companionable silence. As the day went on, I adjusted to the new color of his eyes, and had time to observe them more closely. They weren't actually the red that I had thought they were—the color was more of a deep pink—a different, lighter shade than I'd ever seen for his kind. I wondered if the donated blood was somehow different—not quite as potent as blood obtained in their customary way. I made a note to ask Carlisle about it later.

As the day passed, Carlisle brought him more blood to drink and I discreetly left the room to allow him privacy, and to remove any temptation. Each time I returned he grinned at me, but the color in his eyes never darkened from its original shade. He also had two episodes of pain throughout the day. He made no sound, just clenched his teeth and gripped my hand a little tighter, and Alice and Carlisle always appeared instantly. They would stay until Edward relaxed, and Carlisle would stroke Edward's hair affectionately, as a father would a young boy with a fever. Carlisle kept his expression, and presumably his thoughts, neutral as he watched Edward, but I knew some part of him was screaming in frustration. I supposed he had learned to control that just as well as his other impulses.

As evening wore on, I realized that I hadn't eaten all day and I was starving. Edward had just had an episode of pain, and he looked…drained. His eyes wandered over the items in his room disinterestedly, and he seemed less "present" than I'd ever seen him. If I didn't know better, I would have said he _was_ about to drift off to sleep.

He turned his head gently to look at me, returning to the moment as he took in my strained appearance. I still hadn't been able to relax myself yet, after watching him in so much pain.

He gazed at me intently, and, somehow reading my thoughts, asked, "have you eaten at all today?"

"No," I hesitated, "I've been…busy with other things." I tried to grin as I said this, but I could tell that he was about to take charge.

"Go, get some dinner with Alice," he said, lifting his fingers feebly in the direction of the door. "I think you need a human moment, or few moments, and I'll be here when you get back." He lifted his lips in a smile, but his eyes drifted closed, and it occurred to me that he could probably use some quiet time himself.

"Okay," I agreed, "but I'll be back soon. Don't do anything fun without me." He didn't open his eyes, but the corners of his mouth rose in a soft smile.

Alice appeared as if on cue, and we walked out of the room together. Immediately I started going to pieces—I hadn't realized how much I was holding it together for his sake, and with that obligation lifted my breath came quickly and the tears pooled in the corners of my eyes.

Alice stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to hug me, her own fears written on her face, but contained. I wondered if she wished she could cry like I could. She put her arms around me, and I leaned gratefully into her shoulder. I didn't want to talk about it, it was too hard, so we grieved in silence for a moment before resuming our task.

I discovered downstairs that Alice had gotten me takeout when she went to my place to pick up some clothes. She had called Charlie at the station, explaining that I was out for a walk with Edward, and could I please have a sleepover with her that night? Charlie adored Alice, and he was probably feeling generous since I'd been so good about the grounding, so he agreed. Alice went to my place before Charlie got home and gathered my things, and stopped and picked me up a pizza.

I thanked her profusely and began devouring a slice, despite my melancholy mood. Humanity didn't seem to care what mood you were in, when it made its demands.

I wanted to go back to Edward, but Carlisle and Esme were with him and I didn't want to interrupt them. I realized belatedly that probably everyone in the family wanted to spend some time with him, but they were giving the two of us time and privacy, since we had spent so much of the year apart. I blushed as I thought about this, and decided that maybe I should get some sleep and allow them all some time of their own.

I walked up the stairs slowly, and three pairs of eyes met mine as I entered Edward's room. Carlisle and Esme made to leave, but I raised my hand to stop them. "I think it's time I got a little sleep, since Alice invited me over. Why don't you stay with him for a while?" My question was directed to them, but my eyes were on Edward for the answer.

He turned his head toward me and smiled, and I crossed the room in an instant and took his hand. He pulled me closer, and I met his lips with gentle, almost reverent pressure, and held there for a moment with my eyes closed. I moved my head back a little, and his eyes were closed again, so I took a moment to let my emotions play across my face. By the time he opened his eyes, I was back in control, and I squeezed his hand gently.

"I'll see you in a few hours," I said, with a confidence I didn't truly feel, and I turned before I could change my mind and marched from the room.

Alice had made up the couch in her and Jasper's room, and I sank miserably on to it. What was going to happen? He seemed to be getting worse, not better, and no one could do anything about it. Had the vampire in Italy gone this far, and still been able to recover? I had to believe so, because Carlisle, while concerned, didn't seem panicked. Or maybe that was just for everyone else's benefit. I resolved to get him alone tomorrow, and to ask him what he truly thought about the situation.

I had _no_ idea how I was going to sleep. As the possible endings for this situation started to spin out in my head, I suddenly felt an inexplicable calm steal over me. I was grateful for it, but suspicious. There were very good odds that Jasper was standing on the other side of the wall, waiting for me to fall asleep. I murmured, "thanks, Jasper," knowing that he would hear me, and I thought I heard a chuckle as I threw myself into the oblivion that he offered.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke to sunlight streaming in from Alice's window, and I hoped it was an omen for the day. I dressed and did my morning things quickly, and was turning to leave Alice's room when she appeared in the doorway. Her expression was carefully controlled, and she met my eyes with complete honesty.

"He…isn't any better." She paused. "Actually, we think things might be a little worse…"

"How?" I blurted out, interrupting her before she could finish telling me.

She smiled at me indulgently for a moment, and then continued, "he's…drifting in and out of consciousness a bit. When you talk to him, he can't seem to pay attention for long, and some of the things he's saying are starting not to make sense."

This was bad. This was very, very bad. Vampires don't lose consciousness, unless they cease to exist, and nothing natural affects their minds. Vampires with special abilities could alter perception, I knew—an image of petite little Jane flashed through my mind and I shuddered—but this did not happen to them unless they were under attack. It occurred to me then that Edward truly _was_ under attack, but from within rather than without.

"Is there nothing we can do?" I asked desperately, knowing that the answer was likely the same as yesterday.

Alice gazed at me levelly. "Carlisle is working on some theories," she replied evasively, as she turned to lead me down the hallway.

As I entered the room I knew immediately that the situation had changed for the worse. Everything in the room looked the same, even Edward, but the sense of his presence was…wrong, as if it somehow wasn't stable.

I was able to walk all the way to the bed and clasp his hand before he stirred at all, and then it was only to squeeze my hand. "Edward," I called softly, and he opened his eyes, still facing toward the opposite wall. I called his name again, and it took him a moment to follow the sound of my voice, and begin to turn his head in my direction. It was too painful to watch, so I reached out and turned his chin gently toward me. His eyes were palest pink at the edges this morning, almost white.

"Hey," I said, giving him my best smile, and he struggled to return it. I could tell his eyes were shifting in and out of focus, so I caressed the side of his face to try and help him stay with me.

"Hi," he said lazily, "I'm so glad you're here." He truly was glad to see me, but it was clear to me that if I asked him when I'd been there last, he wouldn't have been able to tell me. He reminded me of someone under the influence of morphine—I remembered how that had felt for me the previous year, and I could imagine the haze that he seemed to be floating in.

"How was school today?" he asked as his eyes drifted closed.

I debated whether to explain that it was Sunday and that it was early morning, but decided not to risk upsetting him. "Fine," I replied soothingly, "how was your day?"

That gave him pause for a moment, and I could see his eyebrows gather in concentration. "There are…holes in my memory," he said matter-of-factly, "but I think it's been better than yesterday. I don't think I've been in any pain…"

I glanced over my shoulder toward Alice, to see that she was slowly shaking her head.

I closed my eyes in resignation—this was going to be a rough day. But some part of me was glad for that, because an easier day would have meant one of two alternatives, one of which I wasn't willing to accept.

"What can I do for you today?" I asked, continuing to stroke the side of his face as I gazed at him, trying not to get used to seeing him this way.

"Talk to me," he breathed softly, and I scrambled to come up with something to say. As I dithered, I realized that it didn't matter _what _I said, he was only interested in hearing the sound of my voice as he lay there, floating in the haze. My voice would be an anchor to what he was trying to hold on to.

I started to tell him about my house in Phoenix, and my time growing up there with Mom. He had probably heard it all before, but that didn't matter –all that mattered was that I kept talking, and he kept listening.

I was telling him about the first time I met Phil when his chin suddenly dropped to his chest, and I cut off mid-sentence. "Edward? Edward!" I shrieked, my voice rising in volume and pitch with the second cry. He drew in a quick breath and nudged his chin upward, licking his lips as he exhaled. "Hmm?" he mumbled groggily.

At that moment, Alice and Carlisle appeared behind me, and Alice reached to take Edward's hand from mine. "Bella needs to talk to Carlisle, Edward, so I'm going to stay with you for a while."

Edward smiled a bit and mumbled, "Alice," as he breathed slowly, eyes still closed.

Carlisle steered me out the door and down the hall, and stopped at his study. He pulled me gently onto the red leather settee, and sat facing me. I stared at him blankly, still in shock from thinking that I'd lost Edward a few minutes earlier.

Carlisle took my hands in his, saying, "Edward's pain has stopped, I think. The last episode was about 12 hours ago, and this is the longest that it's been between them since this whole thing began."

"What does that mean?" I asked woodenly, afraid to hear the answer.

"It means that he's reached the turning point, the infection has run its course. Now, things will either get better or…" He left that sentence unfinished-a piece of mercy for both of us, and then continued, "I'm concerned that the blood from the hospital that we've been giving him is not strong enough to help him as much as he needs right now. I think it's better than animal blood, but it's not…fresh enough and it contains anticoagulants and other elements that one wouldn't encounter when drinking blood…the usual way."

He gazed at me searchingly. "I have a theory that normal human blood might help him to turn the corner, and come back to us..."

I looked at him, and allowed the implications of his statement to sink in layer by layer.

"…I think that your blood might be particularly helpful for him, given how strongly he's attracted to it."

I had been idly wondering who I'd be willing to sacrifice for Edward, and it was just occurring to me to be surprised that Carlisle would condone this, when his last statement sunk all the way in.

Me. I was the likely choice, because I was the most likely to succeed. I stared at Carlisle, and marveled at how much of his own beliefs he was willing to sacrifice in order to save his adopted son, and I knew that I was willing to give more. I was willing to give myself.

I spared sixty seconds thought for Charlie, Renee, and Jake, and for how much I would miss them. I took a deep breath before replying curtly, "Yes. How?"

This was not the response that Carlisle was expecting, and it took him a moment to catch up with my thoughts. His eyes widened. "No! Not that!" He pulled me toward him in an embrace, and exclaimed, "Bella, you already put your life forward to save his once this year, I should have known that's what you'd think I was asking! I'm sorry, _so_ sorry! I would never ask that of you, even to save Edward's life. I could never live with myself, and there would be no living with _him_ if I ever traded your life for his! No," he said, calming himself, "what I'd like to do is take _some_ blood from you, not all of it."

I relaxed for a moment, and heaved a sigh of relief, until the nausea started licking at the edges of my stomach. "How are you going to take some blood?" I asked warily.

At that moment, Alice's voice rang out from down the hall, "Carlisle, I can't rouse him!"

Carlisle was up and gone before I could blink, and I followed as quickly as my human legs would carry me. When I rounded the corner, Carlisle was bending over Edward and listening at his lips, and he signed in relief and slumped a bit as he stood here. He turned toward us; the whole family had appeared in response to Alice's voice.

"He's still breathing," Carlisle declared, "so we still have time." He turned immediately to me. "If you're serious, Bella, now is the time. I don't know how long we have before he stops breathing, and I don't know what happens after that."

I didn't hesitate. "Just tell me what I need to do."

"Okay." Carlisle sprang into action. In a matter of minutes, I was laying down on a cot beside Edward, my arm stretched toward him. While Carlisle was working out the logistics of how to get my blood_ into_ Edward, I was working out the logistics of how to get it _out_ of me without vomiting. I was sure that that was something we didn't need in the middle of trying to save Edward.

Carlisle had set up some tubing and a pump between us, and he was having Jasper and Emmett hold Edward as he forced the end of the tube down Edward's throat. It was unnecessary—Edward offered no resistance to the invasion, and Carlisle was able to complete the procedure quickly.

Next, he turned to me. I had been lying there convincing myself that I could do this, but as Carlisle readied the needle and the tubing, it was all I could do not to bolt for the door.

"Do I have to be awake for this?" I asked plaintively, eyeing the instruments with terror etched on my face.

Carlisle smiled at me sympathetically. "I can't put you under, Bella, or the blood won't flow as fast and it will take too much of my attention to watch over the anesthesia while I'm trying to help Edward. But," he conceded, "I can give you some nitrous oxide so that you won't care what I'm doing."

Immediately I thought of an IV—that was even scarier than the blood draw. Again Carlisle read my mind, "I can have you inhale it as gas, no needles necessary."

Carlisle was gone and back in an instant, and he was holding a mask out toward me. Glancing nervously at Edward to ensure he was still breathing, I put the mask over my nose and mouth and lay back.

I heard the hiss of the gas begin immediately, and Carlisle popped back into my view. "Just relax and think about how happy you'll be to see Edward when this is all over," he said, and he disappeared from my field of vision for a minute…

Or was it more than that? I couldn't tell anymore, and I didn't really care. Carlisle appeared beside me, and started doing something to my arm, but I couldn't quite see what he was up to, so I turned my head the other way. Alice was standing there, holding my hand.

"Hey Alice," I said with a grin, and I giggled a bit.

Alice put her other hand on my forehead and said, "hang in there, it will be over soon."

"Sure, sure," I responded, wondering why the room was so crowded. Alice stood next to me, and Carlisle was on my other side, still holding my arm. Next to him, Jasper and Emmett stood on either side of Edward, holding his arms down to the bed and waiting for…something. I could hear Esme and Rosalie, but I couldn't see them.

Then all was blackness.

I floated on a sea of dreams, just below the surface of the water. Slowly, I could hear voices around me, but it took a while to sort them out.

I could hear Carlisle, and he was calling Edward's name. There was no answer, and this worried me for some reason. I waited, and after a few more calls, I heard Edward's voice.

"Wha..? I…what happened? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?" he cried, and I heard what sounded like a struggle.

Carlisle's voice overrode the commotion. "She's fine, I promise you! I did what was necessary, and _only _that, to save your life!"

A pause.

"Really?" Edward said incredulously. "_This_ is what you had to do…?"

"Yes," Carlisle said gravely, "it was my last option—my only hope."

"I guess it worked," Edward observed. "When will she wake?"

"I…" began Carlisle.

"Mmmhere," I slurred, as I struggled to open my ten pound eyelids. I finally snapped them open, and Edward was lying next to me on the hospital bed, his eyes a deeper red than I'd ever seen. It was a little bit shocking—I'd forgotten that his eyes had been red this week, and it took me a moment to realize _why _they were now a darker color than I'd ever seen. It was because of me, and what I'd done—what I'd _given_ to save him.

His face broke into a relieved grin, and I could already tell that my sacrifice had been worth it. He was still lying on the bed, but he raised his head to smile at me, and he was _there_. Really and truly, all there—present completely in body and mind the way he'd always been as long as I'd known him. The relief was like bread for the starving.

Carlisle came to stand beside me, and gingerly held the inside of my wrist. He counted silently, and then smiled at me. "Bella, you'll be a bit tired today, but you should be fine by the time Alice needs to take you back to your house."

My house? I'd forgotten that it was Sunday and I had school tomorrow. The weekend from hell had made me lose track of everything.

Edward looked at me thoughtfully and winked. "Yes, I guess I'll have to head back to school, too."

"Not so fast," replied Carlisle. "It will still be a few days until you're back to your old self, and you have the small issue that you look like you belong in a horror movie."

Edward snorted.

"I think we will be able to give you some of the donated blood now…just until you're back on your feet! Then you can go and hunt with your brothers and return to your normal diet…and appearance." Carlisle truly smiled—for the first time in I didn't know how long.

Next, he turned to me. "Bella, you should be fine for the rest of the day here—I can't imagine that Edward would be tempted by you after the…excellent meal he just had. But you'll need to keep your distance until we can get him 'back on the wagon' again, so to speak."

Edward rolled his eyes at Carlisle and I frowned, but it quickly turned into a smile. I was just so happy to have him back that I would do anything, as long I as knew he still existed.

Edward ducked his head and looked at me from beneath his eyelashes; a look that I usually found very endearing, but the red eyes just made it comical. He teased playfully, "So, you couldn't resist sticking your neck out for me again, eh? You're at least one up on me now, you know."

I grinned at him impishly and reached across the bed to take his hand. "Didn't you know? Donating blood saves lives!"

Carlisle winked at me as he left the room, and as I closed my eyes, I heard Edward's deep chuckle beside me.


End file.
